Fairy Tales

This came about because I watched that animated version of Peter and the Wolf that won the Oscar for best animated short this year (it's really good).


I think about fairy tales sometimes, and I realize, when I was a kid, I focused on the wrong things. Stories about damsels in distress made me wary of old women (there was a period where I didn't eat apples for a very long time); they made me think "If I grow my hair long, I'll have a way out of a tower!"; sleeping girls get kissed by princes; being beautiful means you have blond hair; if you have a stepmother, you're screwed.


I realized while watching Peter and the Wolf, another lesson I came away with from fairy tales:


Always chew your food or else it'll escape.




Yeah, I don't think my mind was the intended audience for Fairy Tales.

I Know what my Life is Lacking

I thought about it the other night - somewhere along the line, I've become completely unaware of the stars: how appalling! I used to dream of stars and galazies. I'd gaze through my telescope and be in awe. I could point out constellations and name stars. I'd lie on a blanket in the backyard and just look up at the night sky.

What my life is missing is the ability to see the stars, and just lie outside on a warm nigth as stare at them.

Dream things

I dream of names. I wake up with phrases in my head and visuals I couldn't have thought of awake. Sometimes I dream up entire tv episodes. I dreamt one last night about Dr. Who. It was interesting, and suspensful, involving the Daleks and the Family of Blood kidnapping and copying a girl, Mary Ellis, who wasn't in the time she was supposed to be in. As I discovered the girl I had been protecting was actually a copy, the dream ended. Apparently it was a two part episode and I didn't dream the next episode.

Things I get excited about

I can justify and get excited about doing anything, and for the past few weeks I've been all gung-ho about having a career in the animal care industry.

I'm not having second thoughts about that, or anything really, just, wondering if I truly want a career in the animal care industry, or if I'm merely telling myself I do in order to get a job. Is it a career I'm looking for, or is it a skill set so that I can have a career and stability.

I think it's the latter now.

True, I love animals, and working with them would be a fine way to bring in an income, but do I really want that to be my life, and further: would I be able to take the heartbreak that comes with any job caring for sick and injured life. I get sad when I plant I tend to dies.

So, possibly, no. Possibly yes, as, thinking of it, the only things that have remianed consistantly interesting in my life are the arts (writer/music/drama/etc...), geeky things (video games, sci-fi shows, fantasy things, etc...) and animals. So, I think that: yes, animal care would be a good choice as a way to earn a living.

But I have been thinking seriosuly about my life, and where it is, etc... I'm relatively happy with it. I have time to write, I do my sketch comedy troupe thing, I go see bands I like, and even get to see my friends on occaison, when their lives intersect with mine. It's not so bad. Being unemployed sucks of course, and living with my parents is driving me crazy. I just can't be a person that does a job day in and day out that I don't absolutely love. TRU was ok because the people there were some fantastic people, but I just couldn't take it, and don't get me started on my 2 month stint in that horrible office.

And everything races around and around in my head, and I'm tired of the scenery, and I keep coming back to this crazy notion I had a year ago about TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), and I think that if, over the period of a year, my mind keeps coming back to the same option, it's something I should seriously consider. And I think about how many doors that would open for me. Certainly there's a demand for itin NYC, so I woudln't have to leave the city that I love if I didn't want to - one where, right now, socially, I have a "scene" as the younglings would call it.

It also means that I am not tied down to NYC. It would give me that chance to travel and see the world, something I so desperatly want to do.

And I think how great it would be to spend 6 months in Thailand, a year in China, maybe even 6 months in France (if I'm lucky), having the coutries pay my passage to and from there, some places even providing housing, while I save money?

I'm almost 24, which means I'm almost 25. If I don't do this soon I'll never do it. I'll be 30, still living on Staten Island, and just another nameless face, doing the same job, day in, day out, miserable, and dreaming of a different life.

Domesticity isn't for me; it's fine for people who want it. People who want that life - being a housewife (or house husband), 2.5 kids in the suburbs should have that life. I won't begrudge them what's going to make them content, because they are not me; and while I do get these moments of wanting a house in the suburbs on tree-lines roads, walking the kids to school, Sunday dinners with the family, I also have visions of traveling the world before doing that.

It's admittedly a young, idealistic, dreamer's fantasy, full of hope and selfishness, but who am I living for? Right now I don't have a significant other in my life (which is neither something I pine for, nor something I dismiss, it just is), or children. I have friends and family. We are all each other's emotional support, but they don't rely on me for their livelihood - they don't depend on me to survive, so I think, given that, that being selfish and indulging in this fantasy, is something that maybe I should do. Can I stand a couple more months in retail to get the money for a course so I can get my certificate?

I think, with a goal and direction, something I've been notoriously lacking for the past two years, I could. And I think maybe I will do this now. And I wonder why it's taken so long for me to make a damn decision in my life.

Technorati : life

Because I AM a geek

Tuesday morning, Gary Gygax died.


Guys, I can't really figure out how to put this utter feeling of loss into words. I mean, it's not as strong as if a friend or family member were to have died. But it is very sad nonetheless.


Gary Gygax, having created DnD, is responsible for a few friendships in my life. If it weren't for DnD, there wouldn't have been any other table-top rpg. No Vampire. I never would have met Christina or Jev. I probably woudnl't have ended up meeting the Pirates. True, there wouldn't have been some fallings outs that were nothing short of minor catasrophes, but that's life. I wouldn't trade in those good times for anything.


How many times have my friends at home gotten together to play Mage, or Mythus, or Vampire?


Highschool sucked for a lot of us, and playing V:tM was something to look forward to.


In life, the day-to-day is nothing short of monotonous, it's the same thing over and over again, but when we'd role play, it was something to look forward to. I don't know about the others, but I mostly looked forward to the excuse to get together; whether we played the game or not, we'd all be together, with the intent to play a game. It was like a minor weekly, or bi-monthly, holiday, where we'd all bring something for dinner, have dinner, maybe a drink, maybe dessert and play a few hours.


Good times.


Not that those times are gone now. Gary Gygax never directly influenced how people got together. It's jsut, without the man having lived in the first place, we wouldn't have done that.


Many people can remember their first experience with DnD, or a p&p rpg; and if you can understand that I (along with many other people) not only remember their first experience, but countless others after that - that in some way it formed who I am now, then you can understand what a loss it is for the creator of DnD to have died.


I guess, there are easier ways to put this, after all, you may not be a p&p geek.


Imagine if you found out that Hironobu Sakaguchi/Miyomoto died?


Imagine if David Bowie died?


Imagine... other famous people who had some influence over your life... imagine what you would feel if they died?


It's not a deep hurt. You probably never met them, never got to thank them; but it does feel like something is missing. It feels generally blue.


You take a deep sigh, and miss the person, and do something to honor them.


Of course, the only proper way to honor Gary Gygax is to break out the 1st ed. books and do a dungeon crawl.

Technorati : Gary Gygax