I can justify and get excited about doing anything, and for the past few weeks I've been all gung-ho about having a career in the animal care industry.
I'm not having second thoughts about that, or anything really, just, wondering if I truly want a career in the animal care industry, or if I'm merely telling myself I do in order to get a job. Is it a career I'm looking for, or is it a skill set so that I can have a career and stability.
I think it's the latter now.
True, I love animals, and working with them would be a fine way to bring in an income, but do I really want that to be my life, and further: would I be able to take the heartbreak that comes with any job caring for sick and injured life. I get sad when I plant I tend to dies.
So, possibly, no. Possibly yes, as, thinking of it, the only things that have remianed consistantly interesting in my life are the arts (writer/music/drama/etc...), geeky things (video games, sci-fi shows, fantasy things, etc...) and animals. So, I think that: yes, animal care would be a good choice as a way to earn a living.
But I have been thinking seriosuly about my life, and where it is, etc... I'm relatively happy with it. I have time to write, I do my sketch comedy troupe thing, I go see bands I like, and even get to see my friends on occaison, when their lives intersect with mine. It's not so bad. Being unemployed sucks of course, and living with my parents is driving me crazy. I just can't be a person that does a job day in and day out that I don't absolutely love. TRU was ok because the people there were some fantastic people, but I just couldn't take it, and don't get me started on my 2 month stint in that horrible office.
And everything races around and around in my head, and I'm tired of the scenery, and I keep coming back to this crazy notion I had a year ago about TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), and I think that if, over the period of a year, my mind keeps coming back to the same option, it's something I should seriously consider. And I think about how many doors that would open for me. Certainly there's a demand for itin NYC, so I woudln't have to leave the city that I love if I didn't want to - one where, right now, socially, I have a "scene" as the younglings would call it.
It also means that I am not tied down to NYC. It would give me that chance to travel and see the world, something I so desperatly want to do.
And I think how great it would be to spend 6 months in Thailand, a year in China, maybe even 6 months in France (if I'm lucky), having the coutries pay my passage to and from there, some places even providing housing, while I save money?
I'm almost 24, which means I'm almost 25. If I don't do this soon I'll never do it. I'll be 30, still living on Staten Island, and just another nameless face, doing the same job, day in, day out, miserable, and dreaming of a different life.
Domesticity isn't for me; it's fine for people who want it. People who want that life - being a housewife (or house husband), 2.5 kids in the suburbs should have that life. I won't begrudge them what's going to make them content, because they are not me; and while I do get these moments of wanting a house in the suburbs on tree-lines roads, walking the kids to school, Sunday dinners with the family, I also have visions of traveling the world before doing that.
It's admittedly a young, idealistic, dreamer's fantasy, full of hope and selfishness, but who am I living for? Right now I don't have a significant other in my life (which is neither something I pine for, nor something I dismiss, it just is), or children. I have friends and family. We are all each other's emotional support, but they don't rely on me for their livelihood - they don't depend on me to survive, so I think, given that, that being selfish and indulging in this fantasy, is something that maybe I should do. Can I stand a couple more months in retail to get the money for a course so I can get my certificate?
I think, with a goal and direction, something I've been notoriously lacking for the past two years, I could. And I think maybe I will do this now. And I wonder why it's taken so long for me to make a damn decision in my life.
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