You do these things, like put your name in a hate to be randomly drawn for an open mic, on the very large chance that you won't actually be picked, because you want to try it out, but are really afraid of trying it, and you can say to yourself: "Well, didn't get a spot this week, since it's all chosen at random, maybe next week" - because if you put your name in the hat, you're at least trying, and if your name doesn't get called, then that's fine, you still tried. No room this week, maybe next week.
But then there's that small chance that you do get picked, and you find out that you have to do a open mic, and that, while 5 minutes of stand up isn't the worst thing in the world, you legitimately freak out, because you are interested in doing this, and trying this, but are really terrified of that first step, chalking it all up to fate and "it'll happen, when it happens, but it won't happen now". Now it's now.
I was really excited to see my name on the list, and now I'm all terrified because what if I'm only funny in my head? What if I'm not as charismatic as I fooled myself into believing? What is I really, really, suck?
But, despite my fears, and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and the fact that I'll probably look like a shaking chihuahua on stage for 5 minutes, fate said "you missed your first turn, I don't happen often, don't expect me again if you eff this one up. try."
Well... I have to. Well, I will. Still freaked out, but maybe I will get booze beforehand to take the edge off.
Also, during the course of the day, I've moved furniture, overstretched a yoga position, and contorted my back in various ways searching for things that may have fallen thorugh some cracks, and now my lower back effin' hurts. And I'm really sleepy.
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